by Jeanne Fleming, Ph.D. and Leonard Schwarz

Question: Two years ago my father left a large inheritance to my brother's young girls – that is, to his grandchildren. Recently my brother used all of it, plus some of his own money, to buy a vacation home for his family (he says there are good deals out there these days). Was this ethical, or did Michael cheat his kids?

Answer: Not only did Michael cheat his kids, but he betrayed his father. Whatever his rationalization may be – that the whole family benefits from the vacation home, that the kids wanted to do it, that he'll reimburse them someday – his what's-yours-is-mine attitude toward his daughters' inheritance is unethical. If your brother desperately needed to pay the heating bill, that might be one thing. But raiding the girls' nest eggs to buy a vacation place? In our book, that's stealing.

We hope you'll contact a lawyer in your area for some advice. Even if you can't take Michael to court – or can't bring yourself to – we hope you'll try to shame him into putting his daughters' names on the title to the house.

Finally, we have a suggestion: If you have designated your brother as the executor of your will, say, or as your children's guardian in the event of your death, it's time to get out an eraser.

Questions? Email Money Magazine’s ethicists – authors of “Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?” (Free Press) – at FlemingandSchwarz@right-thing.net.

by JEANNE FLEMING, PH.D. and LEONARD SCHWARZ

Question: A few years ago I gave my sister my old car. Now Emma’s bought a new one and sold mine to our 18-year-old brother. I’m furious she didn’t just give the car to Colin, as I gave it to her. Mom says that I should mind my own business, that Emma isn’t as well off as I am. Who’s right?

Answer: Sorry, but unless you told Emma that there was a string attached to your gift – that when she disposed of the car, she had to give, not sell, it to a family member – your sister was free to take Colin’s money. Her financial situation doesn’t matter.

We understand why you may have believed your sister would follow your generous example. But that’s taking too much for granted. It was reasonable for you to assume that Emma would, say, buy insurance and otherwise transfer the liability associated with the car from you to her. But people quite honorably sell things to their relatives all the time, and there’s no “once a gift, always a gift” rule. If you felt the car belonged to your family, you needed to tell your sister that at the time you gave it to her.

This doesn’t mean, though, that you shouldn’t tell Emma you disapprove of her making a buck off your baby brother. While you have no right to expect her to adhere to your unspoken wishes, you do, as her benefactor, have every right to let her know what you think of what she did with your gift.

Questions? Email Money Magazine’s ethicists – authors of “Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?” (Free Press) – at FlemingandSchwarz@right-thing.net.