When marriage means medical bills
Q: My fiancé, Alan, recently had a heart attack. If we go ahead with the wedding, he will be covered by my health insurance (he has none), but I'll become liable for all his current medical bills. What should I do?
A: Like Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, you've been misinformed. Individuals are not legally liable for debts their spouses incurred before they were married. As a practical matter, though, those bills do indeed come with your fiancé. The fact that you're not personally on the hook doesn't mean that, as a couple, you won't have to figure out how you're going to pay them off.
We understand why you're reluctant to put yourself in this kind of hole. But before his heart attack, Alan was the man you were committed to spending the rest of your life with, and now he really needs you. Are you obligated to marry him? No. But you do have a big-time moral obligation to help the guy out.
Questions? Email Money Magazine’s ethicists – authors of “Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?” (Free Press) – at FlemingandSchwarz@right-thing.net.
On second thought, if one has to pose such a question, the answer may well lie in asking oneself the reason for the decision to get married in the first place!
Money is a temporary state it comes and it goes. You should marry when you feel the time is right, whether you incur more bills or not. Medical issues should not get in the way of your relationship, because even after you marry there will be more problems…money, medical, stubbornness…etc. The point of marriage is to be mature enough to stay committed and work with your partner at your journey through life. NO ONE knows where they'll end up in the game of life; however EVERYONE remembers how they got there. Be a good steward of your finances and appreciate your time together and be mature about your decisions. Whatever you decide, it isn't for us to advise, because it is your burden to bear or your love to share. We know your choice will be what you feel is right.
This is a no-brainer, just basic common sense. You two decided to get married because of love–for richer or poorer, for the best or worst of times. Once you're married, Alan is covered by your insurance, and the two of you will proceed to manage and pay off his pre-marital medical debt.
Do not marry. Live together. Help as much as you can with the bills as a couple. Even with all the marriage vows, why do you think divorce rates are high? Make the time with your partner the most memorable experience. Do we know –whether money runs out before life or life runs out before money? Plan well and enjoy this moment. Good luck!
So if he had insurance and she didn't and she was diagnosed with breast cancer and he dumped her, you don't think every women on this planet would have his head?!! Please, give me a break. All I can say is, good luck with your decision… . It does beg to be asked: if he had a heart attack on their wedding night, would she ask for an annulment???
The question is not about whether she loves this guy or not. It's whether she should enter into this legal contract (i.e., marriage) with him. The state defines this legal contract and would make her responsible for his debts also. The state, by the way that they have structured health insurance, has put him into a bind of being sick and not having the money to pay for his health care (you would have to be a billionaire to pay for modern medical care for a big illness out of pocket). Is it his fault that he is sick and unemployed? What's a person supposed to do? Die in order to save money? Now it's a pre-exsitng condition, someone would have to get a job at a big company where they don't ask questions about this kind of thing.
Health care should be handled by the state like it is in Europe so that losing your job doesn't put you into this kind of bind.
I would check into the pre-existing conditions clause of your Health Insurance, because they may not cover your new spouse. Since you have not lost your job, I don't believe you are entitled to COBRA coverage, you may want to check. Either way, the bills will have to be paid, if you get married or not. Unless you don't want to take on the added responsibility of helping to pay off those debts, then I would caution about getting married.
On one hand, you shoud not buy a lemon, since you will keep putting money in.
One the other hand, if you truely love him, then you should be there for him through good & bad times.
Consider: What if you were in his shoes? Would you want him to dump you?
No right answer….
I agree with Indio. She has a "big-time moral obligation" to help the guy out? These authors know nothing at all about the relationship except that this couple was engaged. I don't see where the moral obligation comes in if this crisis has made her realize he is not the man she wants to be with. Exactly how long do you think she needs to continue the relationship to fulfill her "obligation"?
SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS MEDICAL BILLS. SHE DOESN'T NEED TO TAKE ON THAT MESS. AND IT'S A LEGITIMATE QUESTION CONCERNING HER INSURANCE CO.'s HANDLING OF PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS.
I hope this guy DOES NOT marry this woman. Once they hit any other medical issue…. she will dump him as fast as McCain did his first wife after she was hospitalized due to a car accident.
You don't have to be married for him to be covered by your health insurance. Many states have "partner" laws that allow you to cover your partner with your health insurance if you are cohabitating. Who says you have to get married if you love each other? Live together and add him to your medical insurance.
Dear Fiancee:
Give serious thought to marriage. Answer this question truthfully, Is this something you want to do or something you need to do? Is the other party healthy enough to be talking marriage? I would feel guilty if I was him to put you in this position. Wait until he is all healed up and medical bills settled before you both have have many regrets.
If you really loved this guy then you'd be grateful he survived his heart attack and be wanting and willing to help. Your vows still do include "in sickness and in health."
How would you feel if you were in his shoes and your fiance was thinking of bailing out? Maybe his subconscious knows you have reservations about the marriage and that's what his "heart attack" was really about.
It sounds like the issue is more with marriage than with money. If you truly love the person and plan to spend the rest of your life with him, then get married and work through the bills and health issues. If you are more concerned about your liabilities with his bills than spending your life with him, then by all means don't get married, because you don't love him enough to pass the "for better or worse" or the "in sickness and in health" tests.
The only reason to get legally married is if you are going to have children. Go through with the ceremony and don't file the marriage license. It will improve your tax situation also filing as 2 singles. Maybe later he can declare bankruptcy as a single and eliminate his medical debt. That would preserve your credit rating. You could legally marry him later after that.
It's absurb, I know. But it's a crazy system that ties medical insurance to one's employment. Often sick people can't work.
Great. More lazy Americans crying because someone else won't pay their bills. When are Americans going to take responsibility for their actions/bills? Americans are the laziest in the world.
People get married for all kinds of reasons these days. If you want to get married and not get a license in order to save a few bucks, I say go for it!
You can still file your taxes separately..talk to your CPA, or just call one in your area for details. In Georgia, if you say you're married and have been together for 6 months, you're considered married in the State? I was told this last month when I went to get a copy of my Marriage Certificate from the Probate Court. Only, they didn't have a copy of my Licence ever turned in. It never got filed. We have been together 19.5 years, and we were married 5 1/2 years ago.
So, I'm considering not persuing it. What's the big deal, well, some would say it's in the eyes of the Church. So, I called the Church we were married in, and the Pastor is no longer there, but, they did remember our ceremony and offered to help us get in touch with the old Pastor who had moved to another parish. I asked the current Pastor, if we were considered married and he said, "Yes, in the eyes of the Church, we were married" but as far as the State goes, he didn't believe we were, I needed to check with them. So, I did, and, no ,we are not married until they receive the official paper work.
At this stage of the game, I'm tempted not to file a new Certificate in order to save money. I tried to file for SSI/Medicaid, but was denied because they said my (boyfriend or husband) made too much money? Can't understand how they are denying me, because of his income. I can't work any longer, I was injured 3.5 years ago and have had 4 operations already with a minimum of 2 more to go. Because the state says my boyfriend/husband is making too much money, our assets and bank accounts are depleating rapidly, trying to pay medical bills and Insurance Premiums every month, with no light at the end of the tunnel.
I say, if you're planning on getting married go for it, but cover your assets.
We have been together for almost 20 years and luckily never fight about money.
More people fight over money and get divorced because of money issues than anything else.
I would check if you can just add him on your insurance as a partner, for now, or check if he's eligible for Cobra. Then help your fiance' get his bills paid down, and yes, you will need to help him out here, that's part of what marriage is. And if you can't do this, you have no business getting married.
If you are having cold feet because of financial issues, you really need to ask yourself, if marriage is what you're really after here.
I wonder if her health insurance would consider his heart attack a pre-existing condition and NOT insure him?
I think the authors were way off base in their response. In fact, I think their advice was unethical. The writer is completely justified in her caution about getting married. Her concern is not whether or not she should get married. It's whether or not she should assume her fiance's debt incurred prior to her marriage. This is not a love issue but a financial one. CNN you need to get new columnists and editor's that can intuit what the "real" question is.
I was in this position 33 years ago when I married my wife. I ended up paying off her medical bills. It took about 6 years. This is why we need to pass health care reform.
The perfect solution would be for Alan & his fiancee to get married but not get a marriage license. They would still have the personal commitment that marriage signifies but with[out] all the legal hassles.
There are things to be said for legal marriage, but plenty of people get by just fine as they are. Just make sure that the paperwork is drawn up– power of attorneys, living wills, contracts, etc.
If I'm remembering correctly, some states and companies allow unmarried partners to be on an employee's insurance plan. That would be worth looking into– that way Alan could be insured but the fiancee has less financial responsibility in the long run.
To me, marriage is a sham. And 'in sickness & in health' is meaningless when that could mean living in debt for the rest of your marriage, always struggling to pay bills, worried about the knock at the door or the collection agency on the phone.
Regarding Will's post, about getting cold feet when sickness comes first, what would have happened if you married first and then the sickness came? Would you have divorced immediately? Or is your argument that if you'd gotten married first, there would be no bills because he would have been covered by your health insurance? In that case, if you are so worried about health care bills, why didn't you get married sooner, to protect the person you supposedly love?
Fiancee, this situation sounds very risky. Unless there is some reason for a hasty marriage, it might be better for Alan to haggle out all of his current medical bills before the two of you tie the knot. It's better to start from zero than in-the-hole.
The concern I have is that the medical company might attack your assets (in addition to his) after you're married. They have ways of twisting things around with unpredictable results. If he paid what he could and then had to go through bankruptcy to discharge his debts, that would be less bad than if both of you had your assets exhausted by the medical company after your marriage.
Once all of this stuff is behind him, you two can marry with peace of mind. If necessary, you could use some of your protected assets to help him make a fresh start. Then, you could both live happily ever after, in sickness and in health from that point on.
As a type one diabetic, I'm glad my fiance agrees with Dr. Fleming and Mr. Schwarz. You would have vowed to marry in "Sickness and in health", but when sickness comes first, you get cold feet? Perhaps you should re-examine what your in your relationship for.
Money Magazine's ethicists, Jeanne Fleming, Ph.D., and Leonard Schwarz, are the authors of "Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?" (Free Press, 2008).
Whatever happen to "In sickness and in health", "for richer for poorer"? Shame on her. I truly do not believe SHE is ready for this committment. I feel sorry for her fiance'>