Parents sacrifice retirement for kids' tuition

Since when is it a parent's responsibility to pay for a child's college education? I'm only twenty-six and I paid for one-half of my undergraduate college – which was the cheapest in the state – while I worked two part-time jobs, and I paid for my entire law school education. I admit, I have significant school loans from law school, but I have already paid off one-third of my six-digit plus school debt in two years. If you really want to help you kids, teach them to grow up and take responsibility for their actions and the life they want themselves.

I don't think some of the people arguing for the work-through-school model really take time to understand what saving for their children's education can provide. Don't get me wrong, I understand that its not possible for every family to put multiple (or even one) kid(s) through college. One the other hand, by the time I graduate from law school this year, my education will have cost just under 400k. While you can argue that I might have lost a little in the perspective/work ethic lesson of that education, I would have chosen very different institutions if I had been footing the bill myself. Although I won't say that private/expensive institutions are necessarily better, the top ranking schools in this country tend to be some of the priciest. Even just setting aside what you can to "help" your child out can make the money factor less of an issue in selecting a place to go.

One of the most poignant stories along those lines that I've heard was from my next door neighbor in high school. His father, a high-income doctor, took the work-for-it approach and provided nothing for his undergraduate education. As a result of being unable to qualify for government aid due to his family's income, he was virtually unable to attend many of the schools he was accepted to if he then also planned on incurring more debt for a professional degree. From that point on, I've realized how hard it would be for me to have any luxury in my personal life without first providing for my own childrens' education. Again I feel like my point will be lost if I don't express that I know this isn't possible for every family, but I think taking a firm stance against providing assistance can deprive your child of something you could have otherwise provided in some cases and create tension when there is a luxury car in your driveway but a huge debt in your child's name.

Kids should pay their own way through college. I know many who have done exactly that and are debt free. Work full time and study full time. You will make a better employee. Lazy kids who don't have to earn their tuition are more likely to become very lazy workers. That's why the work force is flooded with lazy good for nothing college graduates!!!! I have penty of those at my work. They are so bad I make fun of them in front of everyone. I can't even figure out how they managed to graduate college. They can't even spell right and are making a lot of mistakes (stupid mistakes).

“Once you turn 18, your parent’s income does NOT count unless they are claiming you as a dependent. All you have to do is file your own tax return and quit loafing off of their health insurance plan and you would have qualified for all kinds of financial help.”

Teri, you clearly don't have a clue. You have to be 24, a veteran, married, supporting children or pursuing an advanced degree to be considered independent. Your tax return has absolutely nothing to do with it.

That's a big part of the issue in my opinion. It's fine if parents can't, or won't, pay, but unfortunately the financial aid computation is STILL based on their income. So you have many students who don't have parental help, can't afford it on their own, but don't qualify for aid either.

I put myself through school by joining the military and working. It wasn't my initial plan, but there were so many benefits. My military service also helped me buy a house.

Patrick, there's so much out there for veterans. You're in your 30s now, time to be grateful for what you do have.

Hi,
Don in Canada. Stay there. Don't vote in America. $1mm x 100mm equals ONE HUNDRED TRILLION dollars. Are you nuts?

Patrick – you made some bad decisions. I serve in the military. In CT my tuition is free through PhD level. I collect the GI Bill for books, gas, beer, food, car, etc. If you didn't avail yourself of opportunities afforded you, don't hold angst for your parents. Get your learn on, son, and take advantage of opportunities.

529s are expensive and the market exposure is questionable for such a short-term investment.

To those who want the student to borrow through education loans. Only approximately $20,000.00 may be borrowed by the student foir all four years. Help your student with good college prep, academically appropriate college choices, well-crafted admissions applications, timely and correct financial assistance applications, award negotiations when appeals are justified, and strategic plans to pay for the inevitable out-of-pocket costs. Students may save when starting college by purchasing used textbooks or renting them (a new program), reviewing their meal plan after the first semester, etc…

"Once you turn 18, your parent’s income does NOT count unless they are claiming you as a dependent. All you have to do is file your own tax return and quit loafing off of their health insurance plan and you would have qualified for all kinds of financial help."

This is completely incorrect. It SHOULD be that way but it's not. Both parent's income counts til you're like 24 unless you get married.

Best way to get financial aid in college is to spend every dime you have and get married right out of high school. Sad but true.

Don, Brilliant fix. 1Million to 100 Million people with all those stipulations to get the money spent in the right areas. Only problem is that is a total of 100 TRILLION dollars ( people think approx 1 trillion with the latest bailout is alot) or approximately 1.5 times the WORLD GDP. So sounds good in theory, but totally impossible.

Well,
I graduated from University this year and worked while i was studying.I think kids should take loan and pay it off when they graduate. I am saying that because i am doing it

Don in New Brunswick – Stop spamming us with your false email premises. I got that one too, stating that it would only cost 100B dollars. Someone's not a math major. The cost is actually 100T dollars, or about 60 TIMES OUR CURRENT NATIONAL DEBT. Stick to hockey. You obviously know nothing about economics, or basic math, for that matter.

Don-

Have you done your math??? Your asking the government to fork over 100 QUADRILLION dollars????? FYI Quadrillion is 100 times greater than trillion….this has to be the craziest idea I have ever heard…but it did generate from Canada….

"Get a grip Patrick. If you were in the military for 4 years, your college was pretty much paid for, so having a full-time job was your choice." – Another self-important pontificator me thinks. I was in the military for two years (in combat) and went to college on the G.I. Bill. I had a wife and a child. We both had to work for shelter, clothing, food, transportation, medical (for wife and child, I'm in the V.A. system). So, before you mount your high horse, please be sure you are factually correct.
I got through in three years.

this is to Don from canada…your proposal would cost $100 trillion. you are out of your mind.

(100 mill people x $1mill)

I don't have children yet, but my plan is not to save specifically for my children's educations. But I WILL be financially sound. The mortgages on my two homes (primary residence and a weekend getaway) will be paid off before my kids hit high school. That will free up cash for savings – either additional retirement investment or college savings if my children seem college bound.

And I'm not promising my children anything towards their education. But I will be open and honest with them about my finances. Most likely, I will buy a house near their college (to be shared as a rental with other students).

Further, I will encourage my children to skip a year or two after high school before starting college. They can work, mature, and clear their minds BEFORE committing to repay thousands of dollars for a career that they may/may not enjoy.

And on the off chance that I do pay for college, I will not be paying for useless degrees – liberal arts, english, swimming pool management!

Don Loughnane

Sounds really good except for the $100 Trillion it will cost.

"Why not just shoot for being mortgage-free by the children’s high school graduation."

Luke – exactly! That's what we are doing. The oldest will graduate in May 2018 (when I am 41), followed by the next 2 years later, and the next 3 years after that. We are prepaying the mortgage so it will be paid off in May 2018 so we can help with college costs. But our kids will also know that THEY are responsible for their own college costs – we will only "help" up to a certain amount of in-state tuition.

PS – for those who asked. No we will not drop the kids from our health insurance when they are 18. They can stay on our insurance, they can even live at home if they choose to go to FSU. We aren't cold heartless parents. We just think there is a limit to how much you should give your children. b/c if you give them too much, they become spoiled and may very well remain dependant on others for the rest of their lives. Our goal is to raise our kids to become INdependant, contributing members of society.

Im not sure why parents are still in the mode of paying for their child's education. Wouldnt it be wiser to save that money and help them with a down payment on a house/condo after graduation? It is much easier to get a student loan as opposed to a mortgage. Not only does this approach help build the child's appreciation of the value of money but it also enables them to "learn" to survive. Coming from NY, I cant tell you how many spoiled children there are, none of which have any idea what the real world entails. The ability to manage your own finances is one of the most important lessons a young person could learn.

This is what my mother has done for me. I have owned a home since I was 21 and have been able to easily pay back my loans while gaining capital appreciation on my property. I have learned everything that comes with owning a property before the age of 25…most people at that age are still trying to figure out how they will be able to get a down payment.

This is just a suggestion and would like to hear people's opinions.

ohh…wah wah patrick. I am also 33 and paid my own way through college. My parents also made too much money for ME to qualify for the grants and even some loans to help pay for college. I hated that those things were based on my parents' income when my parents weren't helping out one bit!

But see, UNLIKE you, I do not resent my parents for not paying for it. Yes, it was HARD trying to attend classes and study for tests while working 40 (sometimes 50) hours per week (some of that in a management position – it CAN be done). When I was not working, I was studying. I did not have time to hang out with friends. Heck, I did not have time for sleep most nights (I slept an average of 4 hours each night)! Sometimes I'm amazed that I ever found time to meet my husband in all the chaos that was my life during the five years it took me to get my bachelors degree! But upon graduation, even though I had not done an internship like many of my peers, I found that the experience I gained working while putting myself through college allowed me to practically write my own ticket when it came to interviewing for jobs. Employers LOVED to hear that I got real world experience, still graduated with a 3.4 GPA, and did it without any student loans!

I went back to school for the masters degree a few years later – there I was, several years older than all the other students and 2 kids at home. I was offered a fellowship if I could go full time, but had to decline b/c I was the breadwinner in the family and could not quit my job. I couldn't get scholarships then either b/c scholarships were only given to FULL time students (except one semester when I scooped up a $500 scholarship b/c they had funds leftover). It took me 5 years to complete the same masters program that most others complete in 1 year. But I did it (and had a third kid in the process) – and I am still higher paid than most of my peers the same age as I am.

So you see, I don't resent my parents for not paying for me. I took that situation and used it to my advantage – and am now BETTER off than I would have been had my parents paid for it all.

My husband (who also paid for his own college education, including a masters degree) and I have decided to "help" our kids with college costs, but not to the detriment of our retirement (we will retire when we are 55). My kids will not work like a dog like I did, but they will not get a free ride and become spoiled in the process either.

This article writer is right on target when he said "But if it comes down to a decision between retirement savings and college savings, don’t feel guilty for making your kid finance his education or work his way through school…" It's too bad most people are too stubborn to listen.

I applaud the actions of the people who have had to pay for college on their own. I, too, was given very little financial support from my parents for my college education (as did my wife), but you know what – we both graduated and simply had to take out student loans. We helped minimize the needs for loans by working throughout high school (I started saving for college as a nine year old with paper route money) and while in college. We eventually paid off our student loans and have been absolutely no worse for the wear because of it. We now have four children and it is our expectation that they pay for college as well (we will help with a "token gift"). Because of that, our oldest son had saved $16K by the time he started college and our oldest daughter had saved $18K – because 50% of what they earned since they started working went to college savings. We also have a daughter who is a junior in high that has already saved $12K for college and even our youngest son (13 years old) has $6K saved – all from monies he has earned delivering papers and birthday gifts.
Our children have never gone without what they want or need and, as a result, they really know the value of a dollar (they know how to live within a budget). In addition to our children, my wife and I are fiscally prudent. We are in our 40's and our mortgage is paid off, we are on our way to early retirement and we still tithe and basically enjoy life. We have even had our two oldest children thank us for instilling this "fiscal responsibility" with them because they both feel they are better equipped when they enter the work force.

Patrick, its time to forgive them. I did. They may not understand their mistake, but my bitterness is long gone.

You're stronger and smarter than your parents. Time to grow up and be more mature than them, too. Be the adult. Set the example.

I dont see a problem in having your children work while in college, however I think it depends on each child. My son is in high school right now, and school is difficult for him, even though he tries (he has an IEP). For that reason, I do not let him work part time after school, and have him focus on school and after school activities, as it is important for college.
I do have a 529 plan for my child, unfortunately, I only started a couple years ago, so I know I won't have enough money to pay for all his college. But he and I already talked about this. He will get loans and work part time to pay for his first three years, as well as join the reserves/national guard. I will still contribute to his 529 plan, so hopefully his before his senior year, he can take an internship, and not worry about "working" his last year of college, and instead focus on his major.

Budget Alternative

Dear President Obama,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing USA's economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to the car industry and banks that will
squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following
plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 100 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them 1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the
following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire. 100 million job openings -Unemployment fixed.
2) They MUST buy a new CAR. 100 million cars ordered – Automotive
Industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -Housing and
Mortgage Crisis fixed.
4) They must send their kids to school / college / university – Crime
rate fixed.
5) Buy $50 of alcohol/gas a week – there's your money back in duty /
tax etc.
It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all Gov officials pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.

Get a grip Patrick. If you were in the military for 4 years, your college was pretty much paid for, so having a full-time job was your choice. Most internships these days are paid, so that's no excuse for not taking one. Seems to me someone is pi$$ed off at mom and dad because they didn't get to go piddle in college and party all the time. Once you turn 18, your parent's income does NOT count unless they are claiming you as a dependent. All you have to do is file your own tax return and quit loafing off of their health insurance plan and you would have qualified for all kinds of financial help. You could also have purchased the inexpensive student health plan through the school.

Seems to me you have anger issues other than mommy and daddy not paying for your college. Sorry, parents aren't obligated to pay for college, and if you had decent grades in highschool, you could have gone on a scholarship. So, blame yourself for that and not for your parents refusal to coddle you as an adult.

I'm 38 now, not much older than you. When I was 20, I had already finished a BS (yes, I finished in 2.5 years because I'll be d@mned if I wasn't going to get the max hours for the $$ – none of this taking the minimum required to be considered full-time), owned my own house, and had my own health insurance policy through my full-time job. My parents didn't pay a penny of my education. I worked hard in highschool and got a full tuition scholarship. Granted I did live at home while going to college, but worked part time and paid them rent as well as well as paid for the groceries for a family of four while living there, paid for my own car and my own car insurance.

But, I guess since my parents didn't pay for my college, I was screwed for life and have a right to be angry with them until the day they die. Again, I say there are issues there that go farther than them not paying for your college.

Oh, and by the way, my kids WILL either go on scholarship or pay their own way. They know this. And, they are all straight-A students because they know if they don't get a scholarship, they'll be working their way through school and it will take them twice as long to finish. Their choice.

Make sure you communicate to your children early and often what the plan is – I know people who didnt and are helping pay $40k/year for their kid's education because the expectations of the child and parent were not in line.

The cost will be high for my three boys, but I will convey to them that their best course of action is to do their best in school and if they don't get to go where they want to, then it will be community college for the first two years and see if they can transfer in. My dad paid for half of mine and I graduated with a decent chunk of debt that I had to pay off – knowing I was responsible for part helped me appreciate it all the more without the full debt burden. I intend to help my sons by paying half up to a dollar amount. I do not intend on saving for their college tuition and not my retirement. They have their whole lives to repay their debt and even if I had the means to pay their entire way thru the most elite school, what kind of a fiscal lesson would I be handing them?

Great article and very true. I have four kids with one in college now and we do help some but from a very early age they knew that their future was their responsibility. They saved their pennies and have worked hard in school. Of course my wife and I help by matching what they save and no we do not make a lot of money.
As for Patrick's experience, which is a lot like mine, I thank my family for helping as they could and after 21+ years in the US Army I am proud to have made my own way in life. Time overseas with the military was a bigger education than college for me and has made me a better, more capable, more mature person. I never felt behind my peers and typically excelled far better under pressure situations than any of them.
Personally I am glad my parents did not jeopardize their future for me some 20 years ago because now they are financially stable enough to be the great grandparents I feel my kids deserve.
I am now considering a masters and no I am not going to ask my mommy and daddy for help.

I just love the people who think, "let your kids pay for their own education, they'll appreciate it more".

I tell you what, I didn't appreciate it at all having to join the military for 4 yrs and putting my life on the line to build up some money for college and then having to maintain a full-time job while going to school. I really didn't appreciate how I was not able to take an internship because I needed a steady source of income so I lost out in experience in my field putting me at the back of the list of college graduates who had similar GPAs but the ability to take internships (any employer worth a damn cares more about what you can do in a real job more than what your GPA was).

I really appreciate holding a low wage retail job and passing opportunities at becoming a manager in said retail jobs because it would preclude me from attending classes. I really appreciate how 40 hour work weeks kept me from attending every study session available so I had to work twice as hard on my own to maintain a high GPA.

I appreciate graduating from college 4 years after my high school friends and peers due to my 4 year military commitment. Getting my BS while some younger friends were finishing PhDs and MDs.

I would have been fine except my parents made FAR, FAR too much money so I could not qualify for any subsidized loans or grants. It doesn't matter that your parents refuse to pay for your college – if you are under 22 (or so) and not a former military member your parent's income level is used to determine those grants and subsidized loan qualifications – think about that one the next time you try to act indignant about helping your children pay for college. I bet some of you who claim kids should 100% support their own education probably even cut your kids off the healthcare coverage when they hit 18, don't you?

- 33yrs old and I still hold angst against my parents for this. I couldn't even get more than a few hundred dollars in scholarships because we were on a military base outside of the US so I was double "f-ed" on the tuition rates as well.

I've started to think about saving for college for my children, and find it about impossible to make a rational decision. Compounding speculation about (1) the evolution of college costs of the next 15 years (2) my child's future academic performance and hence the type of institution they'd be eligible to, and their access to merit-based aid (3) Performance of the funds that are to be picked in a 529 (4) the psychological factors of having to pay for one's own education (5) the various constraints and caveats of the different plans on how the money can be used … If one has to go into a trade-of with one's own retirement safety, the decision process is crazy.

Why not just shoot for being mortgage-free by the children's high school graduation, and stuffing the 401(k) to the rim ? Then being in a good cashflow situation and being able to provide tuition assistance directly and according to the circumstances ?

My older daughter will be 18 when I'm 57, only 2.5 years before I can withdraw from the 401(k).

Let them take out loans and pay it back over 30 years if they have to and you can save for YOUR retirement.

They can pay it back as a percentage of their income when they get a job. This makes it easy on them and you.

I see nothing wrong with making kids work for their education. Often times they'll appreciate it more. I know I certainly do.

I have one question to the people that are sacrificing their retirement to put their kids through college:

Are you banking on your kids taking care of you after they graduate? Then you better take care of yourself first.